Season 2, Episode 2: Shit Happens
Recap by Coops

Synopsis

When Helen arrives at the prison in the morning, she passes Nikki in the yard - and doesn't even say good morning.

Mrs Fenner is continuously getting anonymous calls from Dockley. Fenner is still convinced that Nikki is behind it, especially after Dockley suggests that Nikki might have a mobile phone.

Yvonne Atkins' husband send some flowers in to her. Bodybag deliberately leaves them on the radiator before delivering them. Atkins is not amused and starts plotting her revenge with Denny, who also has a run-in with Bodybag when she wants to buy a birthday card for her mum. They pay a maintenance man to smuggle in some lacy underwear - it's not clear why yet.

The Julies make a birthday card for Denny to give to her mum. Shell is jealous of the attention Denny pays to Yvonne.

Fenner decides to search Nikki's cell, on the pretext of looking for drugs. When he starts throwing her books around she freaks out, and in the confusion, slaps Dominic McAllister. She is dragged down to the punishment block. Fenner of course doesn't find anything in her cell. Helen comes to the block.

"OK Nikki this is it. I have given you every chance to make things better for yourself in here."
"Lucky they're still alive."
"Oh that's really intelligent talk!"
"Do you honestly think that I've got drugs in my cell?"
"If an officer suspects you of having—"
"Don't give me that! Fenner's as bent as they come and you know it."
"I will not have allegations of that kind made against my staff! You're already on the Block for a week, you'll lose your Enhanced over this; don't make things any worse for yourself."
"Well the bastard was chucking my books around."
"You only have those books because of me. Any more of this crap and I will take them away."
"What?"
"You heard."
"You're only behaving like this because you can't handle it. So why don't you give in, miss, and stick your tongue down my throat?"
[Helen walks away, pausing at the door]
"You just don't get it, do you Nikki?"

Lauren Atkins meets the maintenance man outside the gates to give him the underwear. She is definitely her mother's daughter!! She also meets Denny's mum, Jessie, and gives her an envelope containing £200, for her birthday. [I am a bit suspicious about Atkins' motives here - she may feel sorry for Denny but that's an awful lot of money and "more where that came from"]. Jessie visits Denny and says she doesn't deserve her. Denny tells her she just wants to be a family again, looking after each other.

Zandra is back on the wing, and Dominic tells her that if she needs to talk, he is there. Zan thanks him for saving her life on the roof.

Still on the Block, Nikki asks to see Helen. She is rude to Karen Betts who puts her on report. Helen arrives in the middle of it.

"So no improvement in your behaviour?"
[no answer]
"Is that a no?"
"It's a piss off, like I just gave that other tart. You gonna put me on report as well?"
"Why are you being like this? Can't you see what you're doing to me?"
"And what about what you're doing to me?"
"Don't make this any harder for me!"
"Yeah, must be hard, getting angry with someone you've snogged!"
"Oh please Nikki, be serious."
"I want to make love to you all night long. Is that serious enough?"
[pause]
"I know I knock Fenner, at least when he fancies a con he has the courage to give her one."
[Helen walks out without a word.]

Josh, the maintenance man brings the underwear in and gives it to Denny. Bodybag comes into the washing room and is suspicious, so Josh demonstrates the broken machine. As Bodybag leans over, she gets a jet of water in the face!

Not knowing that Nikki is on the Block, Dockley continues calling Mrs Fenner. She arranges to meet Fenner in her cell later, and warns Mrs Fenner that she will call back to give her proof.

Betts brings Nikki's clothes and tells her she's being moved. Helen is waiting by the prison van, and Nikki asks her where she is being sent. Helen doesn't reply, and as the van drives off she looks close to breakdown. She is later seen in her office caressing the photo on Nikki's file.

Shell rings Mrs Fenner and tells her to stay on the line. She then hides the phone in the bedding, and Mrs F hears her and Fenner having sex. Afterwards Mrs F goes to the prison, slaps Fenner and throws a bag of clothes at him. When he hears that Nikki was transferred that morning, he realises that Shell was behind it all along. He goes to her cell, finds the phone and beats her up. He throws the phone in the kitchen rubbish.

Betts finds Shell bloody and battered, and takes her to Helen. Shell tells her about the affair and the mobile phone, but denies calling Fenner's wife. She says that Fenner wound Nikki up deliberately so that she would get transferred. Fenner denies everything, saying that Shell attacked him and then started banging her head against the floor. Stubberfield and Helen question him, and he denies receiving anonymous phone calls. Stubberfield is all set to let him go back on the wing, but Helen insists he should be suspended pending an inquiry. She issues an ultimatum, saying "either he goes or I go!" Stubberfield backs her, but he and Helen have a row as she suspects a whitewash. "Can I remind you that I am in charge in Larkhall whether you like it or not." "Well I don't like it! I don't like it one bit."

Angry and confused, Nikki is returned to Larkhall. Helen comes to her cell and sits next to her on the bed.

"Nikki, I want to apologise. You told me you were provoked by Fenner, I've reason to believe it now."
"Oh well bloody marvellous. I'm shipped round the country in a cattle truck while you work out the obvious."
"I said I'm sorry."
"So what's brought this on then?"
"Fenner's just been suspended, over a suspected relationship with an inmate."
"Not Shell Dockley by any chance?"
"Listen Nikki, about what happened today. I let my emotions cloud my professional judgement. I thought I could fight them, I was stupid."
"What are you saying?"
"I won't be looking after your case anymore."
"What?"
"I've resigned."
[shock horror]
"Helen, you can't do this to me, this isn't fair."
"Listen, I've just suspended Jim Fenner when I'm guilty of the same offence – in thought if not in deed."
"So what now?"
"Well I'm not your jailer anymore... which means I can do this."
[She takes Nikki's face in her hands and kisses her deeply. Nikki breaks the embrace]
"What?"
"Say you'll visit me - please. Say you'll visit me."
"Nikki, it's too difficult."
"Helen you can't leave me like this. This is shit."
[stroking N's face] "Shit happens."

Helen leaves the cell. Nikki crumples into tears and so does the whole nation. Not a dry eye in the house. 

Awards

Top Dog of the Week
Yvonne takes Denny under her wing and provides a birthday present for Jessie. She may have the ulterior motive of undermining Shell's position, but she genuinely likes Denny and should be good for her. She also has a rather nice daughter *lol*.

The Julies get a mention for making Denny a birthday card for Jessie as Denny can't afford to buy one, bless 'em.

Marilyn Fenner's hefty slap to Jim's face was well worth a repeat viewing and certainly got a cheer from this viewer.

Twatting Twat of the week
Hollamby leaving Yvonne's flowers to wilt on a radiator.

Karen Betts tells Jim he might know her better if he'd rung her after their conference one-night stand. How stupid is she?

Weedy Pigeon of the week
Our Nikki - bloody but unbowed. What a couple of days she's had: cell spin and straight to the block. She tells Helen she wants to make love to her all night, then, in her own words, "I'm shipped round the country in a cattle truck while you work out the obvious." She seems resigned to her fate and is bewildered when returned to Larkhall. Then Helen breaks the shock news, snogs her and leaves her (and the rest of us) crying. What's a dyke to do?

Spin Doctor of the week
Helen - despite shipping Nikki out and then abandoning her completely, we sympathise with her inner turmoil and anxiously anticipate her return. Giving Stubberfield the ultimatum was her finest hour as Wing Gov. Even "shit happens" lost its sting with that caress of the cheek. Can the woman do no wrong?

Worst Girl of the week
This week it's bad boy Fenner, who provokes Nikki into violence, does Shell over and manages to cover his tracks. But it's not enough to protect him from Helen's wrath and he leaves the Wing followed by the girls' taunts.

Best Line of the week
Yvonne: Buy a Mars Bar, Denny. I'm sure Mrs Hollamby could find a use for it.

Nikki: Is that an interjection or an inquiry after my health?

Mrs Fenner: Your shirts aren't ironed.

Helen: Well I don't like it! I don't like it one bit. (Don't you love her even more when she's angry… ooo that accent…)

Worst line of the week
Nikki: I know I knock Fenner, at least when he fancies a con he has the courage to give her one! [nice one Nikki, compare your beloved to a vicious manipulative adulterer, that'll really help her conscience]

Shell: Your wife's a lucky woman, getting this every night.

Warring faction of the week
Nikki & Helen. The tension is higher than ever and the sparks fly as Nikki goads Helen before being shipped out.

Yvonne & Shell - if looks could kill, one of them would have dropped dead over lunch.

Sight of the week
Fenner in his dressing gown *grimace*.

Nikki in that blue dress thing down the block *ditto*.

Hollamby getting a faceful of water from the washing machine.

Helen caressing Nikki's photo and sighing.

Larkhall Miracles & Mysteries
Helen managing to recall Nikki to Larkhall; and Nikki being reinstated on Enhanced despite the fact that she did assault a prison officer (unlucky there Dom).

Yes, that mobile phone again. Calls all weekend, plus an open line to Mrs Fenner during the shag. Amazing battery life, and bloody good reception inside those walls. It even manages to fit neatly in Shell's armpit.

Yvonne making-up Denny's face in preparation for her mum's visit. Never thought we'd see the day.

Larkhall is in South London, but Nikki's prison van is seen on the A4142, which is the Oxford ring road. Why would a vehicle travelling from London leave the M40 if heading for the Midlands?

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