Season 1, Episode 4: The Victim
Recap by Filbertfox

Synopsis

The episode starts with Helen driving into work. Before long, she spots Dominic who is having problems getting his motorbike started. Helen, ever the good Samaritan, offers the the poor guy a lift.

Zandra has decided to have an abortion, on the day of her appointment, Helen decides to make sure that she is sure that she wants to go through with it...

Helen : Are you sure this is what you want?
Zandra : No miss, I'm just wasting your time.
Helen : An abortion isn't something that you rush into you know.
Zandra : Can't come soon enough for me.
Helen : What about Robin? Have you told him yet?
Zandra : What's the point? He doesn't love me anymore does he?
Helen : No, but it's still his child and I know that you've still got feelings for him.
Zandra : I hate his sodding guts if that's what you mean.

Helen is concerned that Zandra hasn't thought it through properly but Zandra insists that she can't afford to look after a child and wouldn't be able to cope. Helen admits that she thinks that Zandra is doing the right thing and signs all the necessary paperwork.

Meanwhile, in the officers' room, Bodybag is doing her 'who is the fairest in the land' routine in the mirror...

Bodybag : Oooh, I hope I'm not starting with a stoop.
Fenner : You what?
Bodybag : It's these keys if I am, over the years they pull you down. I don't know why we can't have key cards like they do in hotels. Oooh and they ruin me nails!

Bodybag then notices that Rachel is taking rather a long time to mop the floor, not knowing that the poor misguided girl is obviously hanging around so that she can moon over Fenner...

Bodybag : Haven't you finished yet? I told you to mop that floor, not wear it down to the joists.

Fenner jumps to Rachel's defence so Bodybag turns her attention to Lorna Rose who has just walked in with Zandra in tow...

Bodybag : Where's she skiving off to?
Zandra : Day by the seaside miss.
Bodybag : I believe it n'all, it's like Butlins in here. They'll have us wearing red coats and doing party turns next!
Lorna : We're on our way to the clinic.
Bodybag : There's always something wrong with them, have you noticed?
Lorna : She's having her termination today, remember?
Bodybag : Oh right. (To Zandra) Well why didn't you say?
Zandra : I find it hard to talk about my real feelings miss.

Zandra, Dominic and Lorna arrive at the clinic and Zandra is booked in for her abortion. While waiting at reception, Zandra takes exception to the attention her handcuffs are getting...

Zandra : Wondering how I did it inside? Why do you think they call them screws?
Dominic : Zandra!
Zandra : (Holding up her chains) And they're into bondage!

Back at Larkhall, Fenner goes to see Rachel in her cell for his daily smarm and notices that she isn't exactly full of the joys of spring, although how he manages to distinguish this from her usual cheerful manner is beyond most of us. Rachel tells Fenner that she's pissed off because he's been ignoring her, Fenner blames it on him being busy...

Fenner : I've got a very important job to do in here.
Rachel : Like shagging Dockley you mean?

Our Rachel may have a face like a forty shilling piss-pot but she's got Fenner's number alright.

Fenner, surprisingly enough, denies that he's seeing Shell and then has the nerve to actually blame Rachel for causing trouble, saying that Shell wouldn't be on her back now if Rachel had kept her mouth shut...Although he doesn't think to mention that Rachel's problems actually stem from not being able to keep her legs shut.

Fenner worms his way out of hot water by spinning Rachel a line about having to keep Shell sweet to stop her from grassing him up for seeing Rachel, but still denies that he's having an affair with her.

Back in the clinic, Zandra is taken to an examination room and asked to undress...

Zandra : Sir? Can you help me get my knickers off? I've only got one hand. (Turns to Lorna) It's going to be cosy this isn't it miss? You and me lying on the bed together while I have my operation.

Lorna checks that there is no way for Zandra to escape and then agrees to uncuff her. Dominic, suddenly coy about the prospect of Zandra getting undressed, decides to wait in the corridor.

Fenner is still bullshitting Rachel, telling her that he's thinking about getting Shell moved to another wing. Rachel confides in him that Shell's getting worse and that she thinks she may do something bad to her. Fenner re-assures her and then turns on the charm, finally making Rachel believe that there is nothing going on between him and Shell. The stupid, stupid girl forgives him and rewards him with a snog...

Hey Rachel! They took the word gullible out of the dictionary you know!

Zandra starts getting upset about her imminent abortion and starts to make Lorna uncomfortable by asking her if she'll be able to see the baby after it's been aborted. Lorna, not knowing how to handle the situation, goes off in search of a nurse. As soon as Lorna leaves the room, it becomes clear that Zandra has just given an Oscar winning performance to get rid of Lorna and make her escape.

Zandra leaves the room and nicks someone's coat before sneaking past dozy Dom in the corridor.

Rachel's cell is fast becoming as busy as Piccadilly Circus, it's Shell this time.

Shell tells Rachel that she wants Rachel's mum to pick up a package for her and smuggle it in to Rachel during visiting. Rachel refuses and then threatens to grass. Shell makes threats against Rachel's baby daughter and then against Rachel...

Shell : Do as I say and I might just be alright with you. Disobey and I'll cut your tits off!

Rachel rings her mum and asks her to collect Shell's package, saying that it's a brooch for a friend of hers called Michelle. Rachel's mum, obviously the brains of the Hicks family immediately twigs that the package in fact contains drugs and refuses, leaving poor Rachel right up shit creek.

Back at the clinic, Lorna returns to Zandra's room only to find that she's legged it. Dominic hasn't seen her either and suggests that they let the prison know. Lorna refuses, saying that they should look for her, if the prison finds out they'll both be out of a job.

Rachel goes to see Fenner and tells him that Shell's been threatening her and asking her to bring stuff in. Fenner is busy and makes it obvious that he's not interested. Rachel persists and Fenner loses his temper and tells her to pull herself together.

Zandra turns up on Robin's doorstep and Robin's posh cow of a mother answers the door and refuses to let Zandra see him, she should know by now that our Zan never takes no for an answer and pushes her way into the house. Robin, being the twat that he is, ain't that pleased to see Zan and is stunned when she tells him that she's pregnant.

Fenner is snogging Shell unenthusiastically, Shell twigs that something is wrong with him...

Shell : What's up with you? Had it already this morning ave ya?
Fenner : Don't start that crap again! I'm getting her moved you'll be glad to hear.
Shell : What, to another wing where you can shag her where I can't see you?

She's not as green as she's cabbage looking our Shell.

Fenner insists that he's going to get Rachel moved to another prison because he's sick of seeing her and Shell at each other's throats. Shell realises that Rachel's been telling tales to Fenner, but Fenner tells her to back off or Rachel might grass on them.

While we're still wondering how Zandra managed to get from the clinic to Robin's house in Richmond without any money or shoes, Zandra is telling Robin that she ran away from the clinic before they could do the abortion. If she's expecting comfort from Robin then she might as well have stayed at the clinic because he tells her that he's not interested in her or the baby. Zandra loses her rag and tells him that she'll make him pay before gobbing in the twat's face and storming out of the house.

It's lunchtime at Larkhall and Shell is making an effort to be nice to a very suspicious Rachel. Helen witnesses the exchange and goes over to tell Rachel that she might find it easier inside if she loosened up a bit and tried to make some friends.

Monica and Nikki sit at another table and discuss visiting time, Trish is coming to see Nikki but Monica has been told that Spencer can't come because he's ill. Monica is concerned because Spencer has never been ill without her there to look after him.

Back at the hospital, Lorna and Dominic are starting to panic and seriously considering calling Zandra's escape through to the prison, then their prayers are answered when Zandra breezes in as if nothing had happened.

Zandra finally decides against having the abortion and is taken back to the prison...

Dominic : Miss Stewart's going to love you when she hears about this.
Zandra : What's she going to do, send me to prison?

Lorna suggests that they keep quiet about Zandra's escape, saying that there's no point reporting it because Zandra came back. Dominic isn't convinced but Zandra thinks that it's a great idea, let's just hope that she can keep her gob shut.

Rachel's mum turns up to visit, sans Shell's package and sans Rachel's baby. Rachel is upset to learn that her mother has put her baby into care, but that's nothing compared to her terror about what Shell is going to do when she returns to the wing empty handed.

At another table, Trish, self obsessed as ever, moans to Nikki about the plumber because he put the shower on the side of the bath instead of over the taps. Awwww, poor Trish, and all Nikki has to put up with is being locked up, eating prison food and being slagged off by Shell. Nikki is sympathetic, while the rest of us would have told her to bugger off...

Nikki : Should've got a woman to do it.
Trish : Tell me about it.
Nikki : You didn't want to make me jealous did you? I know. I decided after your last visit, I'm going to keep my nose clean from now on, whatever it takes, I could be out of here in 10 years if I play my cards right. If you can wait that long. It drives me crazy when I ring and you're not there, still, I expect you're busy with the bathroom and that. I know you love me, that's all that keeps me going, you do still love me don't you? Trish?
Trish : I'll always love you Nik. You know I will.
Nikki : That's alright then...What's her name?

Trish admits that she's got someone else, saying that she can't handle being on her own. Nikki tries to make it easier on Trish by telling her that she's got her eye on someone inside anyway. Nikki is so obviously heartbroken and a lesbian 'fatwa' is issued on Trish by millions of women around the country.

Back on the wing, Shell is on the rampage because Rachel's mum turned up empty handed. Looks like Rachel's in for a hard time at the hands of Shell, just by way of a change.

Back in her cell, Nikki is mooning over Trish's photograph, when Monica pops her head around the door. Nikki tells Monica that she's been dumped and Monica is very sympathetic...

Monica : Oh Nikki, I'm so sorry.
Nikki : Yeah, well, there's my vegetable patch out the back, and books to read, I'll be fine.

It must be hard to be heartbroken with Crystal 'Kum by yah'ing in the background. Nikki must have been secretly pleased when Bodybag, trying to gossip with another officer, finally snapped.

Bodybag : Give it a rest for a minute can't you? We've had nothing but kum flaming by for the last half hour.
Crystal : So? This is my hobby, I'm entitled to sing.
Bodybag : Please, I can hardly hear myself think.
Crystal : Shouldn't be gossiping anyway, you're at work.
Bodybag : You'll be on a report before you know it, I'm warning you!

Just outside Crystal's cell, Shell and Denny engineer a situation where Shell can, accidentally on purpose, spill two jugs of red-hot tea over Rachel. Shell acts all innocent when Bodybag pokes her nose in...

Shell : Denny you stupid cow! Look what you made me do!
Bodybag : What's going on? Are you alright Hicks?
Shell : Denny bumped into me miss.
Denny : I'm sorry miss, I didn't see her.
Shell : Brainless twat!
Bodybag : Alright Dockley, that's enough! Are you alright?
Shell : Here, let me dry you off.
Rachel : Get off me!
Bodybag : She's only trying to help! Come on, let's go find nurse, spot of Germolene, be as good as new.
Shell : Sorry Rach!
Denny : 'Specially if it's singed yer minge!
Shell : And Fenner can't get his sausage in!

Back upstairs, Monica is still comforting Nikki...

Monica : How was she?
Nikki : Nervous as hell. I even told her I met someone else, make it easy for her. Crazy isn't it? They kick you in the face and...
Monica : It's called love I believe.
Nikki - The reason I'm in here, love.

Nikki then tells Monica that she's in prison for killing a copper who tried to rape Trish. She smashed a bottle over the copper's head to try to stop him but he just laughed so she stuck the broken end in his neck. Monica is obviously shocked, but still tries to tell Nikki that in time she'll get over it and meet somebody else...

Nikki : In here? Don't make me laugh!
Monica : Look, you're feeling low. Why not talk it over with your personal officer?
Nikki : Give it a rest Monica! Look, I know you mean well and all that but Lorna Rose? How could anyone thick enough to work here help me?
Monica : You've had a bad experience.
Nikki : And I'll deal with it like I have to deal with everything from now on, on my own.

Fenner finds Rachel crying in her cell and asks her about her accident, Rachel tells him that it was no accident, Shell dumped the tea on her on purpose, and now she's worried that Shell's going to kill her. Fenner tells her that she's overreacting and then asks her what else is wrong and is told that her baby has been put into care...

Fenner : Well that's why you're upset.
Rachel : It's not just that, it's everything. You said you'd deal with Shell but you're just shagging her like you'd shag anything in a skirt, you're just using me!
Fenner : I'm getting a bit tired of this.
Rachel : Oh and I'm enjoying it? Well I'll tell you summat, she lays one more finger on me and I'm going to Stewart and I'm telling her everything! About you and her and about you and me!
Fenner : That wouldn't be very clever.
Rachel : It would get you into trouble.
Fenner : Only if they believed you. Cons say things like that all the time, all that happens is they lose their friends in high places. Do that and you're on your own.
Rachel : I'm on my own anyway by the looks of things.
Fenner : Well that's up to you.

Too little to late Rachel!

After lock-up, Shell taunts Rachel through the wall. Rachel, terrified and upset reacts just as Shell wants her to and starts smashing up her cell.

Zandra is finally back at the prison and being given her final instructions by Lorna...

Lorna : Just do what I said, okay?
Zandra : Wish I was as deep as you miss.
Lorna : Okay?
Zandra : Okay!

Dominic is still dithering and tells Lorna that in his opinion they are making a big mistake because Zandra might start talking one night when she's stoned. Dominic insists that they tell Helen about what happened but Lorna manages to convince him otherwise.

Helen gives Rachel a bollocking for trashing her cell and then tries to find out why she did it, Rachel's less than forthcoming, but Fenner decides to step in a talk for her and tells Helen that Rachel is upset because her baby has been taken into care. Helen decides to go easy on Rachel and puts her back on Basic rather than send her down the block. Rachel's not exactly impressed about this, it seem her master plan was to get sent down the block and away from Shell.

Rachel is moved down to Basic and is put in the same cell as Denny, someone up there doesn't like her!

At dinnertime, Monica tries to get Rachel talking in the queue but is rebuffed, a surprised Monica returns to the table she is sharing with Nikki...

Monica : Poor Rachel.
Nikki : Yeah, poor Rachel.
Monica : I was thinking, you might need something to help you sleep tonight. Perhaps you should see the nurse.
Nikki : Good idea, has she got a loaded shooter?

Monica realises that Nikki is joking, but just in case, she toddles off to see Helen and spills the beans.

The next time we see Helen, she is in a very pissed off mood in her office, something Monica said by any chance? Helen gets even more pissed off when Lorna and Dominic tell her that Zandra didn't have her abortion after all, no mention is made of her escape attempt. Helen relents in the end and concedes that Zandra was entitled to change her mind and then tells Dominic about what Rachel did to her cell. Dominic is surprised and tells Helen that he'll go and talk to her.

It seems that Nikki is also on Helen's mind, before Dominic and Lorna go, she asks them both to keep an eye on her.

Dominic goes to see Rachel and gets uncharacteristically impatient with her 'couldn't give a toss' attitude, Dominic, already having been pissed off by Zandra, loses his cool and ends up upsetting Rachel even more. This exchange is witnessed by Fenner who also decides to put the boot in...

Fenner : Realised who your friends are now then?
Rachel : I'm really sorry.
Fenner : That's not the way it sounded this afternoon.

Rachel tries to touch Fenner's arm (without using rubber gloves or other sterile equipment?) but he shrugs her off...

Fenner : Why would I want to shag you? Christ! Just look at yourself!

Is this a competition to see how many people can upset Rachel? How much can the poor girl stand?

After lock-up, Crystal tries to find out from Rachel why she trashed her cell...

Crystal : The only person who can lead you out of captivity is the lord.
Zandra : Lord Longford maybe, him up there don't give a shit!
Crystal : That's blasphemy Zandra! You could go to hell for that.
Denny : Bet she's crapping herself!

...all this accomplishes is Rachel starting to cry. Denny doesn't seem to have her patient head on this evening and kicks the poor girl in the stomach by way of getting her to shut up.

Later that night, Rachel wakes up to see Denny hanging out of the window, trying to catch something that Shell is trying to swing to her...

Shell : Has she seen it yet Den?
Denny : Just giving it to her.
Shell : Who's gonna do it Den you or me?
Denny : You have a stab Shell, I've got shaky hands.

Denny hands Rachel a picture that Shell has kindly drawn for her. It shows Rachel with the words 'cut here' written across her throat...

Rachel : Why are you doing this to me?
Denny : Nobody crosses Shell Dockley.
Rachel : But I haven't done anything to you.
Denny : Who messes with Shell messes with me! Sweet dreams darling!

Rachel, now truly alone with enemies everywhere she turns, decides that she's had about as much of prison as she can stand and hangs herself. She is found dead by Zandra in the morning.

That morning, it's all doom and gloom in the breakfast queue. Someone who's had their own fair share of doom and gloom in the past few days is Nikki...

Nikki : So much for the new regime. Things have changed alright, we've got dead bodies on the wing.
Monica : You can't blame Miss Stewart for that.
Nikki (Looks over at Fenner) Look at them, bastards! Are you happy now? That the answer eh? Bang us all up till we can't stand it anymore, give us all a bodybag when we come in, save you the effort wouldn't it? Just muck out the cells now and again before the flies get stuck in! It was you lot that killed Rachel!
Fenner : That's enough Wade!
Monica : Don't Nikki! It won't do any good.
Nikki : It's all bullshit!
Monica : (Decides to change the subject and comments on the letter that Nikki is holding) Did that come from Trisha?
Nikki : Everybody bullshits!

After lock-up, the inmates are shouting at each other and joking about Rachel. There's not a dry eye in the house when Crystal decides to shut them all up by singing 'Amazing Grace'.

Awards

Top Dog of the Week
Nikki, purely because of the speech she gives in the breakfast queue after Rachel's body is found.

Twatting Twat of the Week
Everyone, for being so horrible to Rachel...even Dom gets in on the act.

Trish for dumping Nikki...how could she???

Weedy Pigeon of the Week
Rachel. Terrified of Denny and Shell, spurned by Fenner, her baby is given away, tops herself.

Nikki, for the crime of mooning over Trish's photo.

Spin Doctor of the Week
Lorna, for persuading dithering Dom to keep quiet about Zandra's escape attempt.

Worst Girl of the Week
Shell for being unspeakably horrible to Rachel.

Denny...ditto.

Best Line of the Week
Zandra: "I find it hard to talk about my real feelings miss."

Zandra: "Wondering how I did it inside? Why do you think they call them screws?"

Shell: "Disobey and I'll cut your tits off!"

Nikki: "Should've got a woman to do it"

Shell: "Sorry Rach!"
Denny: "'Specially if it's singed yer minge!"
Shell: "And Fenner can't get his sausage in."

Crystal: "The only person who can lead you out of captivity is the Lord."
Zandra: "Lord Longford maybe, him up there don't give a shit!"
Crystal: "That's blasphemy Zandra! You could go to hell for that!"
Denny: "Bet she's crapping herself!"

Worst Line of the Week
Fenner: "Why would I want to shag you? Christ! Just look at yourself!"

Warring Faction of the Week
Still Shell and Rachel, for obvious reasons.

Sight of the Week
Zandra's Oscar winning performance at the abortion clinic.

Zandra spitting in Robin's face.

Larkhall Miracles and Mysteries
How does Zandra manage to trek all of the way from the abortion clinic to Robin's house in Richmond in bare feet and without any money?

How did Rachel manage to hang herself within inches of Zandra without Zandra actually waking up?

How did Zandra manage to sneak out of her room in the hospital just at the precise moment Dominic had his back turned.

Everyone else down on Basic has to make do with sheets and blankets, how come Rachel gets to keep her duvet when she is moved back down there?

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